I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
