I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He has the fingertips of a God
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