I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
