What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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