I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
