went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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