why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
