There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
