oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
