I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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