So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
