According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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