I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i love accidental penises.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
