Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
