Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
