Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
