I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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