The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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