You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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