Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
