She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
