I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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