Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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