RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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