break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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