Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
