Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
