My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
