yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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