yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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