At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
