yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
