come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
