I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
