thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
