lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
