He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
