I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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