Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
where are my eyebrows?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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