I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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