Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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