At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
as a side note pls kill me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
