I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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