His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
