it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Congratulations! We have a period
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
