Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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