he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize