(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
