well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
