There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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