please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
