thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
