I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
