I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
