P.S. I can't hear my feet
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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