I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
