i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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