just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
