im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
