I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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