Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
