I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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