OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
4 words: hood of his car
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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