Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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