Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
