420 ftw
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
