dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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