you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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