I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
