Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
