Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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