So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He did a backflip because drugs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
